Some years ago, I was an
navigator student on board an Air Force T-43 (Boeing 737) aircraft on a
celestial navigation training mission. We were flying a set course that
took us through Nevada, Colorado, the Dakotas and back to Mather AFB,CA.
For each leg of the flight, a student navigator student was
assigned to navigate the aircraft, providing headings to the pilots that
they were required to follow for training purposes. Unfortunately,
the student performing this task had made a number of celestial
calculation errors resulting in the aircraft deviating further and
further from course. As we proceeded, the pilot requested ATC
clearance for 10 mile deviation, then 20 mile deviation. Each time ATC
cleared us for the deviation. However, when the pilot finally
requested a 30 mile deviation from course, the controller called back
stating “Gator XX, you are cleared to wander aimlessly about the
George, a new retiree greeter at Walmart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 10 or15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy,
clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.
One day the boss called him into the office for a talk: "George, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic. You do a great job, but being late so often is quite bothersome."
"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."
"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though you're coming in late. I know you're retired from the Air Force.
What did they say if you came in late there?"
"They said, 'Good morning, General, can I get you coffee, sir?'"
An Air Force cargo plane was
preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland. They were waiting
for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft's sewage holding tank.
The Aircraft Commander was in a
hurry, the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was
extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out.
When the commander berated the
Airman for his slowness and promised punishment, the Airman responded:
"Sir, I have no stripes, it is 20 below zero, I'm stationed in Greenland,
and I am pumping sewage out of airplanes. Just what are you going to do to
Speed Trap - A good one. Thanks DC.
Two California Highway Patrol Officers were conducting
speeding enforcement on I-15, just north of the Marine Corps Air Station at
Miramar One of the officers was using a hand held radar device to
check speeding vehicles approaching the crest of a hill.
The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun
began reading 300 miles per hour. The officer attempted to reset the radar
gun, but it would not reset and then turned off.
Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that
the radar had in fact locked on to a USMC F/A-18 Hornet, which was engaged in
a low flying exercise near the location.
Back at the CHP Headquarters the Patrol Captain fired off a
complaint to the USMC Base Commander. The reply came back in true USMC
Thank you for your letter. We can now complete the file on
You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in
the Hornet had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked on to, your
hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it,
which is why it shut down.
Furthermore, an Air-to-Ground missile aboard the fully armed
aircraft had also automatically locked on to your equipment location.
Fortunately, the Marine Pilot flying the Hornet recognized
the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile system
alert status and was able to override the automated defense system before the
missile was launched to destroy the hostile radar position.
The pilot also suggests you cover your mouths when cussing
at them, since the video systems on these jets are very high tech. Sergeant
Johnson, the officer holding the radar gun, should get his dentist to check
his left rear molar. It appears the filling is loose. Also, the snap is broken
on his holster.
Thank you for your concern. Semper Fi.
A 4 ship formation of military
fighter jets was at the holding point of the runway at a civilian airport.
Behind them, several civilian airliners and business jets were waiting in
Tower: Gunfighter formation are you ready?
Tower: Gunfighter, advise when ready.
Time ticks by with lots of engines running.
Tower: Gunfighter formation, are you ready?
Tower: You know, the guys behind you pay for their fuel.
Gunfighter: Roger, they pay for ours too!
a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his
single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". Air Traffic
Control told the fighter jock that he was number two behind a B-52 that had one
engine shut down. "Ah", the pilot remarked, " the dreaded
A Huey Cobra practicing autorotations during a military night
training exercise had a problem and landed on the tail rotor, separating the
tail boom. Fortunately, it wound up on its skids, sliding down the runway doing
360s in a brilliant shower of sparks. As the Cobra passed the tower, the
following exchange was overheard:
Tower: "Sir, do you need any assistance?"
Cobra: "I don't know, tower. We
ain't done crashin' yet!"
Back to the top
The teacher gave her fifth grade
class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the
end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their
"Johnny, do you have a story to
"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told a
story about my Uncle Bob. Uncle Bob was a pilot in Desert Storm and his plane
was hit. He had to bail out over enemy territory and all he had was a small
flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. He drank the whiskey on the way
down so it would not break and then his parachute landed right in the middle of
twenty enemy troops.
He shot fifteen of them with the gun
until he ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, 'till the blade
broke and then he killed the last Iraqi with his bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the
horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that
"Stay the hell away
from Uncle Bob when he's been drinking!
Another enemy decoy, built in occupied Holland
during WW II, led to a tale that has been told and retold ever since by veteran
Allied pilots. The German "airfield", constructed with meticulous
care, was made almost entirely of wood.
There were wooden hangars, oil tanks, gun
emplacements, trucks, and aircraft.
The day finally came when
the decoy was finished, down to the last wooden plank. And early the following
morning, a lone RAF plane crossed the Channel, came in low, circled the field
once, and dropped a large wooden bomb.
A young guy in an F-14 fighter was flying escort for a B-52 and
generally being a nuisance, acting like a hotdog, flying rolls around the
lumbering old bomber. The hotdog said over the air, "Anything you can do, I
can do better."
The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot."
The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level.
Perplexed, the hotdog asked, "So? What did you do?"
"Well, I just engaged auto pilot,
went for a pee and a coffee. So, could you do that?"
Back to the top
In another famous SR-71 story, Los
Angeles Center reported receiving a request for clearance to FL 600 (60,000ft).
The incredulous controller, with some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do
you plan to get up to 60,000 feet?
The pilot, responded, " We don't plan to go up to it, we plan to come down
He was cleared.
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